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Punk Rock Cycling Looking for Pretty Boys
PUNK ROCK CYCLING LAUNCHES U23 SPONSORSHIP PROGRAM Iowa based women's cycling team Punk Rock Cycling announced Wednesday that they will immediately launch a sponsorship program for U23 riders. While many programs across the nation already support the cultivation of U23 athletes, the Punk Rock Cycling sponsorship holds very strict criteria for it's members that many have found surprising. First, the all-women cycling team will be looking to sponsor only U23 men who are of legal drinking age. Second, the team demands that the riders are currently racing as a Cat 1 or 2 and maintain a body fat percentage of less than 8%. The third and probably most intriguing criteria, the athletes must be single and "totally hot."
"We're not looking to sponsor ugly guys," said PRC's public relations manager Sara Broek. "Not that we have anything against them but ugly guys are just not our thing. We are interested in sponsoring really hot guys. We believe that PRC has a lot to offer for some really cute and single 21-year old guys in spandex."
The rider criteria is only the beginning of the oddities for this sponsorship opportunity. Athletes who are awarded the sponsorship from Punk Rock Cycling are not expected to race at all, and in many cases the team encourages them not to compete. PRC team rider Alison Doyle went on to say, "Racing is good and all. But we feel it would be much more beneficial to the athlete if he just spent his training time cleaning my apartment. Maybe tune up my bike and possibly cook dinner. You know, real life skills." The sponsorship offers unique benefits as well. PRC is committed to giving the athlete a thorough physical assessment before each training exercise, pinpointing any shortcomings and allowing the athlete up to 24 hours to improve those shortcomings before they force public humiliation.
Due to the delicate nature of the sponsorship Mark Abramson, President of USA Cycling, felt it nessecary to release this statement, "What the? Huh? Are these girls serious? I wish I was 21 again." It is unknown if the sponsorship will recieve any additional funding through USA Cycling.
The U23 sponsorship offered by the women of Punk Rock Cycling is to carry through the remainder of the 2009 year with a series of contractual stipulations allowing PRC to cancel the sponsorship at any moment the team deems neccessary. According to Broek, having a contract that is easily manipulated allows the team to close the door on this sponsorship should funds run dry or they simply find someone hotter.
To apply for the PRC U23 sponsorship, simply send a race resume, photo, and proof of age to punk@punkrockcycling.com
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