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BACKPEDDLE Before we get started, I would like to issue a public apology to the woman in the blue wrap around skirt whom I unfairly criticized in my last article based on 2nd hand information. People acquainted with the situation have informed me of the facts and the woman in the blue wrap around skirt did not instigate the official inquiry into the impromptu ABD neutral feed zone. I understand that the woman in the blue wrap around skirt enjoys the sport of cycling and is quite a nice person. I was unfairly aggressive toward her and I am truly repentant.
IT’S NOT ABOUT THE DRUBER
The Lovely Kathy and I have an acquaintance that we for the most part attempt to avoid in social settings, but since he hangs out at many of the same establishments that we frequent, contact with the gentleman who I will for the sake of this story call "John" is inevitable. This is how it generally goes: We enter through the front, size up the crowd and see a familiar face. "Oh, no… John's here. Don't make eye contact". John: Hey you two! Over here! John motions to the only two empty seats at the bar which happen to be next to him. "I told you not to make eye contact!" Either of us: "Hey John." John: "Mark! Kathy!!! (John is quite, er…flamboyant) How ARE you? Ohmygawd, Kathy you are just the most fabulous and ravishing thing I've ever seen. You know you remind of that actress, what's her name? She was in that film... I can't remember but I went to see it with a friend …ME Me ME MEE, MEEE, ME me me ME Me ME MEE, MEEE, ME me me. ME Me ME MEE, MEEE, ME me me. ME Me ME MEE, MEEE, ME me me." "Oh How rude…I've been doing nothing but talking about myself. I'm sorry. How are YOU TWO doing?" Either of us: "Okay, but I got a bad headache just after we walked in" John: Oh don't you just HATE that? I get frequent headaches from stress and here is what I do ME Me ME MEE, MEEE, ME me me. ME Me ME MEE, MEEE, ME me me, ME Me ME MEE, MEEE, ME me me. ME Me ME MEE, MEEE, ME me me, ME Me ME MEE, MEEE, ME me me. With that as a backdrop, I'm going to refrain from boring you with my continued summer of mediocrity. Rather, I'll use the space to brag about my team mates.
Kelly Sparks has been having a stellar season. He started of by winning the 30+ and taking second in the Cat 1, 2 overall early season ABD time trial series. He followed that up with the overall win of the Edgar Soto Memorial stage race in Nashville, TN, winning the IL District Criterium 30-34 championship and then going out to Colorado Springs to earn Silver Medals in the 30-34 Pursuit, Points Race and a Team Pursuit Bronze Medal at the USCF Masters Track Nationals just last week.
Chris Mosora has been an indispensable team mate, tirelessly working to put the team in position to win races. He is the IL District 35-39 Silver Medalist in the road race, the ABR IL 30+ Criterium Champion and was on the same Bronze Medal winning team pursuit squad with Sparkie at Masters Track Nationals.
DOWNERS GROVE
The National Criterium Championships have been at the famous 1 mile, 8 corner circuit in Downers Grove, IL for a number of years. Every year the US Men's Professional, US Women's Elite and US Men's Elite national champions don the starz - n - barz. This year, the winners were a girl not named Tina Pic, a guy covered in tattoos named after a leafy green (Kale) and Brad Huff, who is the only racer I know to win the Elite and Pro Criterium Championships in successive seasons. Also of note is that the ageless Steve Tilford finished second in the Elite race and is just a failed doping control away from being the national crit champ at age 45. I find this to be remarkable. I did the masters race on Saturday and came to the conclusion that 35 minutes is not long enough for 125 Cat 1-3 racers from 30 years of age on up to sort things out. On the last lap, 30 or more guys crashed in turn 5. Two or more riders broke their collarbones and another appeared to have fractured a wrist. I stayed out of harms way at the back of the race with the 50 year old Cat 3's. It's quite likely that I will never do the master's race again. Other than that, the race was very fast and from time to time I could see the front of the race. Guys were making lots of attacks and I heard that guys won primes for cash and prizes but I was never close enough to the front to matter. Sparkie, Stony and Moso were racing and active. On Sunday, I rode in the Elite Criterium Championship. I became tremendously bored with the entire thing and decided that while I do enjoy racing in criteriums, I do not enjoy doing it for 50 miles or more. Toward the end, I think with 7 laps to go, I got off the course and rode around to the other side to see what the guys who were actually racing were doing. It was to me, more entertaining to watch the guys with talent race at the front end than sitting at the back worrying about avoiding a crash. The Grand Performance Bianchi guys were driving the field without help. At some point in the race, perhaps on the 13th lap, I avoided falling and taking a bunch of my co racers down with me when my front tire suddenly lost all pressure in turn two. I don't know how I managed to avoid falling but I did and the 20 guys behind me did as well. As for the race, it was fast and not as many crashes as in previous years. Like my friend Rev. Billy told me, I was out of the race before the official blew the whistle, which is true both literally and metaphorically. It's likely this will be my last Elite Criterium championship race.
A FASCINATING VIDEO CLIP I do not in any way, shape or form present the following as comedy. I suppose what you are about to see was painful and I do not rejoice at the misfortune of others. Click on the attachment to see a video of a gentleman who told me this weekend that my perception of him being a reckless bike racer is born out of my own lack of bike handling skills in criterium style racing.
Thank goodness I have yet to attain this level of competence on the bike.
Enough for now,
Druber
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