The Racing Chronicles
w/ Bill Stone

The Seduction of the Dissemble; or Reply to Mr. Kronkite

The first casualty of war Is the Truth

Winston Churchill

It is this vast and militant ignorance,
this widespread and fathomless prejudice against intelligence,
that makes American journalism so pathetically
feeble and vulgar, and
so generally disreputable

H.L. Mencken
Prejudices, Six Series

I

In his Response to Labor Power Mr. Robert Kron speaks of Kindergarten. The Self has little memory of what took place at age four and it is probably just the power of suggestion that colors an imprint of sitting in the corner in a year long time out. Regardless, Self's experience with the charlatans who practice repressed memory extraction hardly suggests taking any comfort in a claim that any noble and enduring truths were imparted during that first year in childhood prison. Besides, the Self is still not certain what Washington gained by confessing to the Cherry Tree caper; but then again the Self has always questioned the generally accepted principle of Crime and Punishment. The whole compulsion to confess rather than a moral command is more likely a result of a twisted ego that causes the confessor to imagine that everyone already knows of his guilt. Shakespeare wrote of this me thinks.

Now, it would be a nice story if McGeen confessed to the chicanery that was Whitefish because of something imparted to him after he tried to cover up peeing on his sleeping mat; and even a Dostoevsky moment would be perhaps romantic. But the Self, unlike Mr. Kronkite, cannot intuit motive or thought, and thus the Self is left with the admittedly charm deprived knowledge that McGeen admitted his failing. Being what the Self has failed in much more profound and damaging tasks it is a matter that Self will no discuss.

II

However, what does give the Self a chuckle is Mr. Kronkites gleeful use of the dissemble and deflect. Unfortunately, while Mr. Kronkite is very good at using the "un-attributed source" and "straw man" techniques of the new journalism, his inattention to detail causes him to quack out of turn. (See House of Games.)

In Paragraph 1 Mr. Kronkite writes that "It has been reported their goal in the series was to keep Butch Stinton (****) from winning the overall. Must be bad blood…." Mr. Kronkite does not name the source, a classic Rush Limbaugh technique.

What the Self does know is that the first day of Stoopid Week, Gary Doering approached the Self and said that Mack could care less about the overall and simply wanted Butch to not win and would do whatever it took to beat him. Perhaps Boring doesn't like Butch because Butch can still win races while Boring can only languish at the back with the Self. Regardless, Butch is a Champion and went out of his way to check up after Self crashed in San Diego. Of such stuff friendships, not vendettas are created.

Mr. Kronkite then notes that after several days of frustration Labor "had to utilize some tactics that were not in the rule book." Now, just to be sure the Self downloaded the Rule Book for 2004. As suspected the Rule Book does not describe or set forth racing "tactics." Regardless, the entire sentence makes no sense. First of all Holy Hill was the third race in the series. On the first day Vampire rode away from the field and deliberately slowed down when he was a few seconds from taking a lap. The only thing that frustrated him that day was that he had not brought along enough donuts to eat before he got his prize money. The next race was in north Chicago. There he towed Mr. Kronkite around for half the race and then Mr. Kronkite won the sprint and Chris was third. The only thing that frustrated Labor that day was MKA forgetting his shoes for which he blamed the Self for not calling and reminding him to bring his racing bag.

In any event Kronkite says Labor was frustrated and so be it. But, while Kronkite may be able to know what was in Chris's mind-perhaps while being touched on the rear Mr. Kronkite had his brain stimulated into paranormal activity. That at least would explain how he knows about things that didn't happen.

Anyway after the frustrating days of finishing first and third, the Vampire did in fact violate the centerline rule and was disqualified. He admitted his transgression and did not even go to the officials and argue. MKA and Hackstar did discuss the matter with the Head Official while the Self listened. The facts are that Vampire did not refuse to get out of the race. He was at one time told to go to the back and then continue racing; and he did exactly as directed.

Mr. Kronkite reports that "only later the following day did we find out Walker was asked to withdraw from the race." Of course, we again are not pleasured with the name of the source for this misinformation. What we do have are the facts. Vampire was disqualified. The Head Official took no further action. Of course this does not satisfy Mr. Kronkite who next gives us a rule lecture. He suggests that Vampire should have received a ten day suspension for failing to withdraw. He does not site the Rule. In fact Rule 3 (B) (1) provides that a rider may get a ten day suspension if he makes a flagrantly dangerous attack. Obviously, the officials did not deem it necessary to invoke this rule. Apparently, the officials should have consulted Mr. Kronkite. (Parenthetically it should be noted that the Self received an email from a Mack sponsor who said that Vampire may still get a suspension. As most people know Boring's wife is an official. Even if a Complaint were filed by the fine gentlemen from Mack the Vampire would be entitled to a Hearing.)

At Holy Hell Mack was upset that Vampire did not obey an order to retire which was not given. But, the Macks are nothing if not flexible and at the Lakefront the Macks protested the outcome because Vampire did obey the very same official. Kronkite writes: "The lack of respect for the rulebook continued at the Lakefront. (***). Sometime during that break, Vampy mixed in with the Cat 3 field for a lap or so. Yes, the man can ride hard, but can also CHEAT." The Self sat out Lakefront and was in fact on the hill when Vampire, Johnny VanSustern and a Torelli guy caught the IIIs at the bottom of the climb. The motorcycle official who had disqualified Vampire at Holy Hell lead the threesome up the hill. The pace car also attempted to get the IIIs to move over. They were holding up Vampire not helping him. You could see Vampire talking to the motorcycle official. The break then passed the IIIs but on the next lap a group of IIIs attacked on the hill and briefly caught the break. They soon separated. Again the motorcycle was there all the time as was the pace car. About two laps later when well clear of the IIIs Vampire attacked the break and rode solo for the last six laps. After the race was official the Macks attempted to have Vampire disqualified-apparently for obeying the instructions of the motorcycle official. Mr. Kronkite again gives no source for his accusation of cheating. All this of course begs the question of how riding with the Cat III field would have helped.

Let's for a moment examine, as it were, the facts on the ground. The Lakefront course is a little over two miles long. The Masters did eighteen laps. Vampire, VanSustern and Torelli closed over a mile on the IIIs in less than nine laps. It seems pretty apparent that the break was going faster than the IIIs. So, you would assume that even a challenged Mack could figure that riding with the IIIs would mean Vampire would have to slow down. This conclusion would also seem to be supported by the fact that the Master field also caught and lapped the IIIs. (Parenthetically it should be noted that after being passed by the Master field some of the IIIs again caught the Master field. So, by Kronkite's logic the Masters must have cheated because they mixed briefly with the IIIs.) Regardless, it seems that since the Master Field caught the IIIs that had Vampire actually ridden with them as suggested that he would have been caught by the Master field.

Anyway as it stands it is the Self's understanding that someone has maybe suggested to someone that it there is a report that could be made which suggests that an unnamed source is or has sent a un-attributed email or post card, one of the cute funny ones, to a reliable source who asserts that he found out Vampire once offered a jelly donut to the then former right wing Senatorial Candidate Ryan so what he could escort Mrs. Ryan to sex slave party. Or was it that Mr. Kronkite should have a little more confidence that the officials know what took place on the Lakefront. It is hard to keep up.

Now, if the above is not enough to put proof to the silliness of Mr. Kronkite's salacious claims consider that while Vampy was going solo Labor was at the front. According to Mr. Kronkite, Mack's week was all about chasing Vampire into his grave, so to speak. However all the time the break was away Mr. Kronkite, Mr. Moore and the other Macks were at the back of the group. The Self is all too acquainted with being at the back and while not familiar with the fine points of racing is pretty certain that you can't chase from the back. But then by this time Boring had long been dropped and what's Mack without its leader.

III
Sheboygan

On Thursday at Sheyboygan, Hawkstar Hovecraft was in a break with two Smacks and some others. Hawk attacked before the final corner and won. He did not announce that he was going to initiate his sprint before the final turn or even declare that he was going for the victory. In other words he CHEATED. Vampire was so proud of Hover's rule breaking that he offered up a muffin heisted from that morning's breakfast buffet. Fortunately, Marsha had brought an extra bagel and cream cheese and thus Vampy was able to make it back to Milwaukee without having to eat any spiders. It was a very poignant moment.

However, it was reported by some people that someone cursed in the race. The Smacks we have learned from an unnamed source are protesting that the entire race be negated. At least that's what we heard. From someone, somewhere.

And my kindergarten teacher was ugly or so it has been suggested.

Ride Fast and Take Chances.

Bill Stone
July 29, 2004