In the (Feed)Zone
w/Mark Swartzendruber

"The Salinas was only a part time river. The summer sun drove it underground. It was not a fine river at all, but it was the only one we had and so we boasted about it - how dangerous it was in a wet winter and how dry it was in a dry summer. You can boast about anything if it's all you have. Maybe the less you have, the more you are required to boast."

John Steinbeck, "East of Eden"

The following events, characters and depictions are purely and completely fabricated and exist only in fiction. What you're about to read happened only in the imaginings of my fetid mind. Resemblance or similitude of depictions to actual persons is strictly coincidental…for all you know.

HILLSBORO ROAD RACE

Epic, wind, tough, nasty, Het Volk. We know.

The bravado began early. I was standing in line to use the toilet 1.5 hours pre race when HeadsMACK walked in. HeadsMACK is now in the 50+ age group, though by looks he appears much younger and is devilishly handsome. He has been racing for over 30 years and by his own account has competed in over 4000 bike races including the 1980 Olympics. He is crafty. Though beset by adult onset diabetes, he is remarkably able compete at a high level in the sport of bicycle racing and manages a large and successful team of able riders.

HeadsMACK asked me for which race I was registered. In the past I have been partial to competing in the Pro 1,2 race at this particular event. 88 miles of hard man racing is appealing to my ego, though my body has not always agreed. This year, I had 50k of time trialing due on the following day, so I opted to compete in the masters 40+ race. The thought being 66 miles would be easier to recover from than 88, though the racing would likely not be any easier.

Informed of such, HeadsMACK gleefully replied while standing next to me in the bathroom of the Hillsboro Methodist Church "Good, you'll have 15 sMACKs lined up on your wheel." My guys are all REALLY fit, especially Fleck. You're in for a long day." My reply was simple. "Good, Stone Pony is here. You can follow me all you want."

The first mile of the race was neutral. So many masters and juniors and Cat 3-5 racers have crashed on the fast descent out of town racing to be the first to the crosswind that the organizers opted to eliminate early racing on that part of the course in order to improve safety. It was a good call. I and some 60 other masters rolled out. I was talking to my team mate Stone Pony, about strategy (we had decided to stay put for a lap, let the sMACKs motivate the race and make our moves in the final 2/3rds of the race). I saw Larry Fitz back after a year off of racing and wished him well. We were enjoying the calm before the storm when from behind, HeadsMACK announced his presence on my wheel by loudly clearing his throat.

"HHHAARRRAAGGH"

I looked at Stoney and said "Sounds like HeadsMACK is here."

"Better get used to it Druber, I'll be here ALL DAY!"

At that point we rolled down the hill and out of town. The racing had begun. A rider in a green kit took the front and stoked the pace. The rider had a very nice Pinarello Dogma with one of those crazy forks that "creates wind vortexes to reduce drag". I figure a guy riding a bike like that MUST be worth following, so I fell in line.

"HHHAARRRAAGGGH"

"You still back there, HeadsMACK?"

"I told you'll you've got 15 fit guys on your wheel, I'll be here ALL DAY."

Despite the fact that I only was able to lay eyes on roughly half that number - MoorsMACK, McGsMACK, Flick-n-sMACK, KronsMACK, RastasMACK, BrattonsMACK, DownLowsMACK and Bad Bad LeRoysMACK, I took his word for it. I was in for a long day. Going up the first hill I didn't want to be back in the line as we crested into the open roads and the 20mph left to right cross wind so I tried my best to get over the hill in front. As I crested the hill I glanced behind me and saw the field, single file and in the right gutter. "HHHAARRRAAGGGH!" Good Lord, HeadsMACK is right behind me again. I've got to get away from that nasty throat clearing - it was making me nauseous. I clicked my new SRAM Rival group set down and pedaled a bit faster. "HHHAARRRAAGGGH". *Click* "HHHAARRRAAGGGH!" *Click*. This continued until Paul Swinard from the Met Life team pulled through and suggested that we "keep things rolling, Mark, don't try to do it all by yourself early." With that I pulled off the front and saw that a gap had formed as we rounded a corner to get a tailwind, the guy on the Pinarello dropped the hammer followed by Swinard, then me. "HHHAARRRAAGGGH!!!!" Jeezuz, HeadsMACK is still here.

As our group rode up and down hills with the tailwind and turned left into the crosswind again we had a gap that was nearly 10 seconds, barely 4 miles into the 66 mile race. The three of us kept things rolling as HeadsMACK resolutely refused to take pulls and cleared his throat. As I pushed the pace over the second and third hills, we lost our green kitted rider and his Pinarello. I was sad about this because the dude was taking heroic pulls and I liked looking at his fancy bike with the deep section carbon wheels. Wheels which likely cost 3 times what my Leader bike cost. "HHHAARRRAAGGGH".

"HeadsMACK, you need to start taking some pulls."

"No way, I'm in the 50+ group, I've got MoorsMACK and McGsMACK bridging up any minute, when they get here I'll pull"

"HeadsMACK, there is no one behind us, no one is catching us." I surveyed the barren landscape and empty roads behind us and pointed them out to HeadsMACK.

"You sound awfully sure of yourself Druber. I'll just see how far you guys will tow me."

At that point, about 11 miles into the race, we had been hitting it so hard that the back of the Category Three (3) field - started 6 minutes ahead of us - was in sight. Swinard and I agreed to blow right through them, while HeadsMACK protested the idea as dangerous and cleared his throat.
"Cat Three (3)'s move left! Masters coming through!" Swinard was on fire and weaving along the right side of a piece of winding road that was muddy, pot holed and gravel strewn. It was an impressive piece of bike riding and I had some difficulty maintaining his wheel. All the while, HeadsMACK was disconsolate, protesting the move as being too dangerous and clearing his throat. Once back on good pavement, the pace hotted up and Swinard and I bolted clear of the front of the three (3) field. On the smooth pavement things grew eerily silent. Perhaps it was the lack of bumps and gravel or the relative silence of a quartering tailwind opposed to a block head wind but something was different. Swinard put his finger on it.

"Notice that silence Druber?"

"Yeah, what's up with that?"

"HeadsMACK is gone."

It was then that I noticed the silence wasn't related to road conditions or wind direction; it was simply that there no more yammering, taunting and throat clearing. It was gone.

Swinard and Druber alone with 45 miles to race Photo © John Bennett

HeadsMACK had about 12 miles to think of the situation before the masters field caught him. I can't imagine what he was going through riding those 12 miles in isolation, with no protection from the brutal winds, no one to yammer at, no team mates bridging to help him "kick my ass". HeadsMACK is not partial to being unaided in races. It must have been awfully lonely. Perhaps HeadsMACK began to rue his advancing age and diminishing physical capabilities. Perhaps he was contemplating the early mentoring and influence he had on my cycling career. Perhaps his thoughts drifted to golf or G.O.P. politics. Who knows? This is what I do know. When the masters' field caught him after those tortured 12 miles of solo riding, he told people that he had crashed out of the break. I certainly don't recall a wreck or a bike in the ditch, but I do know for certain that HeadsMACK MUST have had SOME ill fate befall him because he would NEVER gets popped out of a break that he doesn't take pulls in. So, I give him the benefit of the doubt. Far be it from me to dispute his account, which is factual, while mine is as noted, pure fiction. So, Swinard and I were left to ourselves. We rode the next 40 miles in the wind and hills, eventually being passed by the Cat three (3) guys as their race became more animated. On the last lap, an informer let me know that we had roughly 3 minutes on the masters field and that Stone Pony was 45 sec back. I settled into soft pedal mode and stopped forcing the issue on the hills. I was beginning to suffer from the effort of the race long break and Mr. Cramp had begun to make intermittent visits on my right groin/hamstring. With 11 miles to race, Stone blasted to the front of Swinard and me with Flick-n-sMACK and Bad Bad LeRoysMACK.

The break dynamics had changed. Flick-n-sMACK was very strong and was taking the bulk of the pulls, long and strong. Bad Bad LeRoysMACK took a few token pulls but basically was a passenger. Was he hurting or baggin? I knew Swinard was cooked. I wasn't feeling too spry myself so I figured Stone Pony was the go to guy. On the same piece of nasty road that Swinard, HeadsMACK and I had previously passed the 3's, I pulled away and forced the sMACKs to chase. Back on the smooth road, Mr. Cramp came back for an uninvited visit. I sat up as Flick-n-sMACK pulled the others back to me a mile later. Once caught, I watched as Stoney countered with Flick-n-sMACK on his wheel. Bad Bad LeRoysMACK didn't offer a chase and a short while later the duo was out of sight. With 2 miles left to race, I attacked on the hills leading back into Hillsboro and got a nice gap. At the top of the last hill I had a cramp induced pedaling hiatus forced on me and Bad Bad LeRoysMACK closed the gap down and caught me on the cobblestones in town. We sprinted two up and he bested me by a bike length. About 30 seconds earlier, Stone Pony had crossed the line to win the race.

Bad Bad LeRoysMACK celebrates his second place in front of a beleaguered Druber
Photo © John Bennett

1. Stone Pony Delta
2. Bad Bad LeRoysMACK
3. Druber Delta
4. Swinard Met Life

PRODUCT REVIEW

I end the fiction portion of the column and return to presenting facts.

The Hillsboro race is brutal on the bike. The cobbled pavement and the large amount of poor quality, rough pavement and short, double digit grade hills put equipment to the test. I have reviewed the Leader 796R frame in a previous column' but I feel compelled to state here that it performed flawlessly. It provided a great base on the cobbles and was stiff on the climbs and handled well (even for me a notoriously poor descender) on the down hills.

In addition to this being my first race on the Leader frame it was also the first for me with the new SRAM Rival group set and stem, bars and seat post from Velo Carbon. Following is my perspective on those two new items.

You can find ample reviews on the new SRAM Force and Rival group sets. The recall of the brakes on the Force group was voluntary by SRAM based on a small number of pieces that broke on installation. Our team is using the Rival group, not affected by the recall. Under the duress of 66 miles of racing over rough conditions I only experienced one mis shift, derailing off the small chain ring, and it was easily corrected by shifting back toward the large ring. I note, this was most likely a matter of newly stressed cables and installation than a derailleur issue. I have not had any difficulty learning the new "double tap" shifting action and I'm well pleased with the performance of the components. In particular I find the size and shape of the shifter hoods to fit the hand better than either Shimano or Campy's similar part. The shifting is immediate and precise once the fine tuning is dialed in. SRAM Force and Rival components are definitely worth your consideration if you are looking to upgrade or change your component group.

www.sram.com

Velo Carbon is a Springfield, MO based company that has a line up of bars, stems and seat posts. The Team bar utilizes a shallow drop with a classic bend (non anatomic) that I found surprisingly comfortable despite my large hands. The 42cm alloy bar weighs in at 215g. The alloy stem is very light at 120g for my 120mm stem and features a 4 bolt face plate and dual direction clamp bolts on the steer tube. I also have a carbon seat post that has a classic single bolt design which to me is preferred for ease of use when adjusting saddle position. The seat post is manufactured with the same 12k carbon weave that Leader uses on the 796R so it's a great aesthetic match on carbon frames.

In addition, Velo Carbon manufactures high quality, reasonably priced after market ceramic bottom brackets and wheel bearings tested to save up to 2 seconds per km in rolling resistance and pedaling efficiency. The wheel bearings are compatible with a number of top hub makes such as Mavic, DT Swiss and American Classic. I have installed the Shimano compatible bottom bracket on my time trial bike with the Dura Ace 7800 cranks. Velo Carbon also makes FSA Mega Exo and ISIS compatible Bottom Brackets and bearings. Take a look at their web site if you're looking to refurbish your hubs or bottom bracket or need new bars, stems, bottle cages or seat posts.

www.velocarbon.com