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Time Trials are not Real Bike Races Much esteemed and oft quoted wordsmith; Rev. Billy Stone is fond of reminding me that Time Trials are the silliest aspect of a stoopid sport and have nothing remotely to do with actual bike racing. Thank goodness. It is perhaps for this very reason that I find them so agreeable. Being prone to asking silly questions of myself, like "Why?" I spent a lot of time thinking about the discipline of racing against the clock as I logged 600 miles this past weekend driving from Champaign to a 30k time trial near Rockford, IL to a circuit race near Milwaukee on Saturday then back home from 5 miles North of the Brat Stop and 4 miles West of the Mars Cheese Factory after completing back-to-back 20k time trials behind the Cheddar Curtain on Sunday. I had to think about something. After all, as great as she is, even Courtney Love CD's get old. Are time trials real bike races and if not, why? ATMOSPHERE As Team Labor or anyone who's stood around the parking lot after a hotly contested crit well knows, the atmosphere is generally full of poison. The thick cloud of noxious rancor mixed with venom and testosterone can be cut with a knife. There is acrimony. There is bike tossing. There is finger pointing and chest thumping. There is name-calling. There is bitterness. There are F bombs - carpet F bombs. "That F*#%er sat on my wheel and didn't take a pull the whole race then sprinted past me! Acts like he suffered for the win. I did all the work! I'll kill him. Next race he's getting brake checked into the curb!" "So and so broke his collarbone and carbon frame when I cut him off in the sprint? Hey, that's bike racing and just between me and you, it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy." The tendency toward ill will is so pervasive it has even caused yours truly to turn into an F bomb dropping lunatic on more than one occasion. It's a fact I'm not proud of. I began
to compare and contrast this to how after a time trial, all participants
applaud the efforts of their fellows as the times are announced
and prizes passed out. Congratulation abounds. Young and old, fast
or slow, the efforts are acknowledged and appreciated. Time trialers
are kindred spirits. Bike racers form a "granfalloon".
PEOPLE I've met many, many thoughtful, intelligent genuinely interesting people through bike racing. But for every Stone or Doughty or White or Worthington or Jimmy Mac I've had the pleasure to meet, there are dozens of self-absorbed pricks to counter balance. No need to name names, we know who they are. I guess the same could be said about the population at large, but maybe not in the same percentages. That said, I have yet to meet a dick head at a time trial Listen to this…at my last time trial I was introduced to a gentleman named Kevin Flowers. Kevin is an exercise physiologist with a PhD in the field of Neuromuscular Biology. At my last "real" bike race I met an aimless dreamer who lives with his parents and delivers pizza to buy gas and pay entry fees. It was at a time trial that I first met Reid Mumford. Reid is working on his Doctorate in Particle Physics from John's Hopkins. For those of you who don't know, Johns Hopkins is a little open enrollment public college in Baltimore…NOT! Reid works at FERMI lab, a particle acceleration facility in Aurora, IL. His work/study involves smashing atoms together at very high rates of speed in order to uncover the secrets of space and time. Last crit I did, I met a tattooed and bleached poser who had recently dropped out of Community College in order to train. I've had the privilege of meeting John Krehbiel through time trials. Mr. Krehbiel is on the board of directors of a "little" family business called Molex Corporation. According to its web site, Molex is the world's second-largest manufacturer of electronic, electrical and fiber optic interconnection products and systems. It's listed as MOLX on the NASDAQ. He's not pretentious about it. In fact you have to engage him to get him to talk business. He's always enthusiastic to compliment his fellow riders on their times - A genuinely nice man. At the last "real" bike race I did, I met a pompous braggart who did not hesitate to let all within earshot know that he and his wife had enough money to get a new car every 3 years. If not for time trials, I'd have never met Pat. Pat Murphy, former Canadian National team rider. Pat is now in his 70's. Think Gord Fraser 35 years from now. Pat is gracious - never talks about his storied cycling career unless asked. At the last "real" bike race I did I met a guy that lives in his car and couldn't stop talking about winning a local crit that 30 guys showed for. ICON Two words. Al Stern. The IL district Road Race is officially called the Al Stern Memorial Road Race. Aside from Miguel Indurain and Eddy Merckx, Al is the only living person I know of that has a race named after him. Al is at every MATTS time trial. GENEROSITY At each MATTS time trial, a set of Profile aero bars are raffled off. The man who won the raffle this past weekend gave them to another cyclist, who doesn't have a set. Another rider won some gift certificates from a local bike shop and in turn gave them away to a junior rider. Last "real" bike race I did, I overheard "teammates" arguing about how to split $40 in prize money5 ways. "I'm the one who finished 5th in the field sprint, what did you do?" "You weren't a factor in the race, you shouldn't be in on the split." And so on. CONFIDENCE Time trials are great training. How many times have you convinced yourself that "it's too early to go with a break" and missed the winning move? How many of you know that you can operate at threshold for nearly an hour? How many of you would love to make a bold solo attack like Taffi used to, but lack the confidence to attack a race or ride anywhere other than affixed to a rear wheel? Time trialing cures chronic Lackofanaerobic Thresholditis. Time trialing has been approved by the FDA as a cure for the common flail. SELECT COMPANY Toss your name in with this crowd: Ulrich, Armstrong, Ekimov, Bodrogi, Backstedt, Horner, Julich, Millar, Valverde, Botero, Indurain, Merckx, Rapinsky. Don't tell these men that time trials aren't bike races. What about women? Longo, Jeanson, say no more. When I say time trial, I'm not talking about the little 5 mile TT's between crit stages of a "stage race". I'm talking about 20 - 50k of snot bubbling hypoxia. I'm talking self-inflicted pedal till you puke personal distress in great measure. I'm talking about testing yourself, pushing your personal envelope and grinding out a tempo directly into the teeth of a 20 mph wind with no where to draft. You don't have to be proficient in the time trial to benefit. You just have to do a couple of them a year. CHALLENGE I've posted the fastest time of the day at every time trial I've done outdoors this year. I'd like to see more "real" bike racers show for time trials. Perhaps, though Billy is right. Time trials are not real bike races. I'll agree and add this - Time trials are not real bike races, but you cannot be a real bike racer unless you time trial. Don't be a wuss. Find out more at www.ambikerace.com and www.indianaraceseries.com.
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