RACE CHRONICLES (7/30)
Noir; Twinkies; and Stupid Week
by Bill Stone

Lawrence Block is the today’s best writer of noir. However, Matt Scudder has not been seen on the streets of New York since he gave up his one room apartment to his young black watson as part of his dedication to Elaine. So, for over a year there has been too much angst generated by the warming to life of Mr. Scudder. Making it worse is the recent marriage of Harry Bosch. The point is that there have been a lot more important things to worry about than why the Race Chronicles have been in hiatus, but because so many have asked here’s the deal.

Dad went into the hospital a few weeks ago for heart surgery. He did well enough that the trip to Stupidweek didn’t have to be cancelled. Arrived a half hour before Brewer Hill and lasted twenty phlegm slinging laps. Then went to watch the pros wretch on Schlitz Hill. Helped official Wilkins score the KOM and gave feeds to Marsupial Albers who is both good and a nice man. Then watched break go away and Gaggioli try to bridge. He wasn’t going to make it until there was a crash and the race was neutralized and finally stopped because an ambulance had to remove bone fragments from the road surface. So, Gaggioli uses neutral lap to bridge; however, vigilant USCF officials won’t let him get away with this. They restart race and Gag has to start a few seconds after the break. Of course he bridges right away. Another break goes away and the first break laps the field and one of the Saturn guys wins with a Rabobank guy second. But this was not before a rider is taken down by a spectator right in front of the Official’s Stand. Wonder what they got paid for such vigilance. Yes, it’s not their job.

Eat with Whitlock and Morris girl and return to room only to find message that "Wife is at the Hospital with Dad." End of Stupidweek. Spent last two weeks driving to Louisville and sitting bedside in intensive care feeling sorry for mother and father and being completely helpless.

Anyway, expected to come back from Milwaukee with enough material-real, imagined, and made up-for rest of year. You might be disappointed but imagine how wife feels having lived with this condition for 17 years.

While riding around after the Masters race had occasion to try out Schlitz Hill. Noticed that it had been chipped and sealed. It was so bad that race workers were sweeping it by hand to try to clear the gravel. Seems the work had been done only a few days earlier. Had it been normal Milwaukee heat wave tires would have stuck to the road. As it was the tar was merely seeping through. So, ask around and find out from Wilkins that the work was not even scheduled to take place until the Fall but was moved up because City Officials not pleased with Otto’s failure to pay fees etc. This was tangentially confirmed by fact that next day’s race at Lincoln Park was cancelled and moved to fairgrounds race track because City wouldn’t permit use of Park. Also, found out that Kenosha had not been paid from last year. Its not exactly Tour de France scandal but the story line did have potential; but alas couldn’t stay to follow up.

While at Schlitz Hill watching Gaggioli make the break couldn’t help but recall comments overheard at Dayton that he was pretty well washed up.

Also at Schlitz Hill ran into guy named Todd who is friend of Frankie Andreau and who lives in Palm Beach. Turns out he knew Puck Fitzgibbons but didn’t know Archie McNally which pretty much precluded him having been on a date with Connie Garcia. Well, Whitlock advised the guy wasn’t very good which was already known because he was at back of Master’s race with rest of bad riders complaining about how bad everyone else was and that he’d have been at the front except for fact he was at the back. Point is that anyone who lives in Palm Beach and knows Fitz but not Archie obviously doesn’t know front from back much less what’s important.

Back to Dayton. Ron Vance put on a great race with good prize money. How many races have you been to where the promoter put out sandwiches and drinks. Yet, he did not get the patronage the race desired. You can’t just race five minutes from your house.

Forward to Paducah. Was busy at the hospital but got reports from Puck Enmark. In Columbus there is great competition among the engineers who work at Cummins Engine Company. Puck Moleman and God Squad Branner are two of these lead pencil carriers. Naturally, for these two number four leads the forty plus race contained no other contenders. For two days they marked each other and a sigh of relief was heard from Moleman when the offical results placed him as first Cummins. Oh yeah the other guys raced to win and Puck Mercer was third overall after jump starting his heart off a car battery. Michelle Mercer was present to lead her dad around and she also finished the women’s race.

Ben Sharp rode away from the men’s field and according to Enmark kept the field so strung out that no one could take a bottle for several laps. By the way Ben has an article in this month’s Racing Nation or whatever the name of that horrible USCF magazine that you pay for with your dues. Seems that Ben criticized the scheduling of the track and nationals events and the courses at Cincinnati. Soon he will learn that his license has been suspended- not for his writing but because of the offense of poor syntax. Ben, next time ask for an edit from someone other than the USCF writers who don’t even know that "hopefully" is not an adverb or an adjective or even a word.

Moleman’s son Matt debuted in the Citizen 10-14 Category. He had to ride the trace climb twice. Seems that in anticipation of Mattie not wanting to ride to the finish Enmark moved the Puck Van to the top of the hill. About thirty yards from the finish Mattie ran into Mr. Lactic Acid and did a Barney Riis imitation and threw his bike into the gutter. Well Enmark calmly explained that the only way to the van was on bike and uphill and that the finish line was near. So, he got back on his bike and tears turned to joy and this is good news in an otherwise noir month. More importantly, he is now a Puck and well it doesn’t get any better.

Returned to Southeastway on Tuesday. On orders from Nestor, Daly stopped and searched the team car. He then confiscated four cans of coke, a box of Ding Dongs and a tube of rim glue. In protest Pucks rode at the back of the bunch for the entire race and threatened to not return. As you’d expect the other riders agreed with Puck’s stance and said "we can’t miss you until you don’t show up." Good to know that there is such solidarity.

Your assignment this week is to read Block, Lawrence, "When the Sacred Gin Mill Closes" and Connelly, Michael, "Black Echo." Next week and examination of the life and lessons of Damon Ruynon. Also will explain why it is correct to say "I hope to perform well" and not "Hopefully, I’ll do good," and if there is time that the word is "preventive." You get extra dougnuts by using "preventive" in a sentence with "hope."

Ride fast and keep your hands on the bars.

Billy